Under the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth), separating parents are required to make a genuine effort to participate in Family Dispute Resolution, otherwise known as mediation, before they can apply to the court for parenting orders. Family Dispute Resolution is designed to provide separating couples and families with a safe and structured opportunity to discuss issues that are in dispute between you, to explore different options for the resolution of these issues, and hopefully to negotiate an agreement which will allow you to move forward in a child focused manner.

The location and timing of your Family Dispute Resolution will be based on your needs, which will be determined during the intake session. At this session, your Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner (the mediator) will also explain the steps of the mediation process. As a brief overview, the mediation will generally progress through four stages.

In the explanation and clarification stage, your mediator will welcome you and provide an introduction to the mediation, then invite you, the parties, to explain in turn what brings you to mediation and what issues are important to you. Your mediator will confirm that you have been heard correctly and identify issues, or problems, to be placed on the agenda for discussion.

During the exploration stage, you will each have an opportunity to directly discuss your feelings, needs and concerns about the problems on the agenda with each other, while your mediator ensures that everyone is heard and the conversation remains respectful.

This is followed by the negotiation stage. When both parties are ready, your mediator will move the discussion to generating and exploring the workability of options. Options are ways in which you might move forward on agenda issues. At this stage, your mediator will prompt you to start looking for solutions to the problems which have been discussed.

Finally, there is the agreement stage. As you begin to find solutions which are mutually satisfactory, the mediator will ask questions to test whether they solve the problem for both of you and are workable for the future. When you agree that an option works for you both, your mediator will record it for inclusion in your mediated agreement.

The mediator’s role is to be a neutral third party. He or she will control the process, but not the content of what is discussed. It is not the mediator’s role to provide legal advice and they will not tell you how to resolve your dispute. Instead, your mediator will assist you in identifying and exploring options to resolve the issues which are important in your situation. Where children are involved, your mediator will help you maintain a strong focus on the ‘best interests’ of your child.

Studies have shown that those who make a genuine effort to focus on the best interests of their child during Family Dispute Resolution tend to establish a more functional parenting relationship, and that this has many long-term benefits for their children.

At the conclusion of your mediation session or sessions, your mediator will prepare a written record of the parenting or financial agreements which you have reached. While this agreement is not legally binding, it forms the basis for a parenting plan and/or financial agreement which the Family Court can turn into an enforceable consent order.

In order to make a genuine effort to resolve the issues in dispute during your Family Dispute Resolution, it is important that you spend some time in preparation. You can start by making lists of:

• issues that you and the other party already agree on;
• issues that are in dispute and that you need to reach agreement on;
• issues that are important to you;
• issues that are important to the other party; and
• what arrangements you believe will be in the best interests of your child or children, and why.

Making notes about these things and working out how you feel about them now will help you to explain your position and negotiate more effectively at the mediation. It will also help you to prepare yourself to deal with issues and questions raised by the other party and the mediator.

If both parties approach mediation with a determination to stay calm, communicate and consider the other person as the parent of their child – rather than their ex-partner – mediation can be a very effective way of reducing conflict and ensuring a much smoother and less damaging transition into a separated lifestyle for you and your children.